The Mix Up
by Vermilion Angel
Summary: It's a Starsky and Hutch Camping trip! What could possably go wrong? Tongue firmly in cheek...


Disclaimer: I don't own Starsky or Hutch and I am not making a profit.

Ok, a funny little Halloween story that just flashed in the 'ol noodle. Please tell me what you think. No warnings this time... other then this, it's gonna' get weird. My homage to crappy sci-fi...

* * *

**STARSKY AND HUTCH Vs THE MUTANT ZOMBIES FROM OUTER SPACE!**

"How do I get the feeling this is the worst idea you've ever had?"

"What makes you say that?"

Starsky peered over the side of the platform to the traffic jam below. It must have been over fifty feet down. He turned back to the window in front of him as Hutch got out the squeegee. All the colour drained from his face.

"What could be a more perfect way of spying on Golding's penthouse?" Hutch said, reaching for the binoculars and gazing at a building a little down the street, "We've got a great view and we're perfectly safe." He slapped his partner playfully on the shoulder, causing Starsky to grab the support ropes

"Would you not do that?"

"What are you afraid of?" Hutch asked with mock innocence "It's only fifty feet... I mean at this height you wouldn't feel anything anyway... you'd just kind of..."

Starsky shot him a look that would melt steel "Hutch..." he raised his index finger in warning

Hutch shrugged and pretended to polish the window before raising the binoculars again "Hey... something's happening..."

Starsky took the binoculars and raised them to his eyes "who's that? Hutch... we're on."

Hutch immediately grabbed the radio off his belt "This is eagle eyes... we're on... I repeat, Golding's making a move."

"We're moving!" the reply came, Hutch pulled open the window behind him and jumped through, followed closely by Starsky.

* * *

Hutch grinned as his partner threw his overalls unceremoniously on the chair. Starsky's relief at being inside was palatable.

"Next time, I choose the vantage point." The darker man said, readjusting his shirt.

Hutch threw up his hands, "Nothing to do with me buddy... I _told_ them you weren't keen on heights..."

Starsky glared at him, "Suuure... that's probably _why_ we were up there." He added grimly

Hutch wound a piece of paper into his typewriter while barely resisting the urge to laugh. "So... what are you doing with your time off?"

Their reward for nailing Golding had been a long weekend off. Starsky leaned back in his seat and took a sip of coffee "I dunno... thought I might see what Sally was doing."

"Sally from robbery?" Hutch asked, sliding the carriage back on the typewriter

"Yeah." Starsky nodded "See I think..."

"I wouldn't, you might hurt yourself."

Starsky frowned "very funny... anyway she said she..."

"Sally from robbery?" The blond repeated, brow furrowing

"Yes, Sally from robbery." Starsky sighed in exasperation "she..."

"Isn't she dating Phillips down in traffic?"

Starsky shook his head "no, you're thinking of Alison in narcotics."

"The one with the...?" Hutch made a winding movement with his hand

"Yeah, her."

"No... that's Gail..."

Starsky thought about it for a second "Whatever, me and Alison..."

"Sally." Hutch corrected before pulling his finished report out and clipping it to a pile of paper "from traffic."

"Robbery." Starsky said "look, it's not important, what are you doing?"

"Me?" Hutch replied innocently, "Oh... I thought I'd go camping."

Starsky felt his heart sink at the mere mention of the word, "_Camping_?"

"Oh, lovely place... Hawk Wood. Miles and miles of woodland... a lake, rolling hills..."

"Sounds great." Starsky mumbled

"Yeah. It will be..."

"I'm not going camping." Starsky moaned

"No, you're not." Hutch replied, much to Starsky's surprise, "I'm going on my own."

Starsky suddenly felt a little hurt, "You're not inviting me?"

"You hate camping." Hutch replied casually, "You just moan all the time..."

"I do not." Starsky was surprised at his own reaction

"I thought it'd be y'know... better. You're not relieved?" Hutch asked with what seemed like genuine concern

"Well... sure. I hate camping." Starsky took out another piece of paper, "But we always go camping... it's like... tradition."

"You always say you'll never go camping again." Hutch said, a glint in his eye "besides, it's too late now."

Starsky sank a little in his chair, like a kid who'd just been told there'd be no Christmas.

"You'd rather go on your own then with me?" Starsky replied in a hurt little voice

Hutch looked up "Well _no_... I mean... you _could_ come if you _really_ wanted..."

"Really?" Starsky brightened

"Sure... but you don't really want to..." Hutch replied, hiding the slow smile creeping across his face

"Yeah." Starsky replied indignantly.

"You _do_?"

Starsky realised too late what Hutch was doing. He scowled at his friend "You sneaky..."

Hutch shrugged "you said it buddy, not me." He got up "see you tomorrow, bright and early."

* * *

Starsky sat in stunned silence. Hutch had managed to get Starsky to invite himself on a camping trip. He couldn't believe it. Tomorrow morning couldn't be far enough away.

Starsky had remained in moody silence for most of the journey and only responded to questioning with a disaffected grunt.

Hutch was in a good mood despite this. The sky was bright blue. The sun was shining and there were no weather warnings for the next three days. He pulled up outside the ranger station and they both got out. There were already two girls there who waved excitedly. Hutch introduced them

"This is Amy and her sister Stacy..." Hutch said "Dave Starsky."

The two girls giggled and shook his hand "I'm so glad Ken persuaded you to come..." Amy said, "Our stuff's in the car, we'll see you in a sec." They ran off together, arm in arm.

"Why didn't you tell me about them..." Starsky said, eyes still helplessly fixed on the girls

"Would you have believed me if I did?"

Starsky nodded, "Maybe this won't be so bad."

* * *

The evening sky was creamy golden with pink candyfloss clouds laced with blue and purple. The horizon burned red and orange as it shimmered behind the black outlines of the treetops. The hillside they selected offered an unsurpassed view of the valley beyond and the lake, pooled beneath them like a giant silver mirror. The birds where in full evening chorus and they'd got a roaring fire going. Starsky toasted another marshmallow and put his arm around Stacy.

"Do you forgive me now?" Hutch asked

Starsky looked around him and smiled, "It's one of you're better ideas."

* * *

Starsky was making his way back to the camp, torch in hand, after nature had called just a little too loud. He stubbed his toe on an exposed root and yelped pitifully. As he reached their little campsite he gazed up at the view. The stars stretched beyond him and the moon was full and bright, casting a silvery shimmer across the woodland. It really is quite beautiful Starsky thought. Despite himself he was really warming to this trip, he almost felt glad Hutch had tricked him into coming. Of course, he should have known better.

* * *

Fate has a strange sense of humour, so it seems. A girl in red runs down a corridor, a bundle of papers in hand. There is a boy coming the other way, he too has a bundle of paper. They hurry towards their respective rooms, oblivious to the other.

_Crash!! _

Paper flies like confetti around them; the girl looks in horror at the paper around her feet "Oh God!" She exclaims, "I'm soooo sorry!"

The boy begins scooping up what papers he thinks are his; he waves off her apology, "Sorry... I should have been looking..."

The girl frantically picks up her papers and flees down the corridor, she only has five minutes before to hand her script to her tutor. The boy shuffles the papers and carries on down the hall to a door marked 'film studies'

* * *

One star was particularly bright. As Starsky watched it, it got bigger. And bigger... in fact, it was coming into land. The object burned bright green and silver as it bore down on the helpless detective. As it approached, Starsky threw himself to the ground. There was a splash, followed by an explosion of light. Starsky peeled himself from the ground and looked around. Something was sticking out of the lake, a thick black plume of smoke rising into the sky. Starsky gazed down as luminous green goo was oozing from the object sliding out over the water. Starsky ran back to his tent.

"Hutch! Hutch! Wake up!"

Hutch sprang up, "What? What?"

Starsky sat beside him looking like he'd just seen a ghost "Hutch... aliens!"

Hutch relaxed, he gazed levelly at his partner, "We've been through this before... they're not aliens they're..."

"No." Starsky interrupted with irritation, dragging his half asleep partner out of his tent under heavy protest. He pointed to the lake, "Look."

Hutch peered down to the lake, still glowing green. He rubbed his eyes sleepily; "I'm never drinking Jack Daniels with nachos again..." Hutch made a dismissive gesture and attempted to get back into the tent, Starsky grabbed him and brought him back

"Hutch... what are we gonna do?" Starsky asked, eyes wide with genuine panic

The blond detective glanced from his friend to the glowing lake; apparently believing it was a dream, "Call Flash Gordon?"

"Huuuuutch..." Starsky pleaded, "This is serious!"

Hutch shrugged "I dunno... go down and check it out?"

* * *

They dressed quickly and silently so they wouldn't wake the girls. Guns in hands they made their way carefully down to the lake. Hutch was taking it much too casually for Starsky's liking, the taller man obviously believed this to be some weird nacho induced hallucination. Hutch knelt by the lake and examined the goo; "Well..." he got up "It seems like... Starsky?"

Starsky was aiming his gun into the trees, "T-there's something moving..."

Hutch put his hand on his partner's arm and gently making him lower it, "It's a forest... teeming with living things... what the...!" A brown furball launched itself at Starsky, latching onto his arm

"Ow-ow-ow... get it off! Get it off!" Starsky demanded, attempting to swipe the creature off. Hutch got his hands around the thing's middle and wrenched it away, it struggled, hissing and trying to claw at Hutch.

"It's a bloody squirrel." Hutch announced

Starsky cradled his sore arm "the little bastard scratched me!"

"It's going nuts..." Hutch said, keeping it at arms length "It's mouth is covered in green slime..."

"Maybe it's got rabies... put it out of it's misery." Starsky whined bitterly

"No!" Hutch replied; pointing it at Starsky "you put it out of it's misery!"

Starsky took a deep breath, "How?"

"I don't know, shoot it..." Hutch suggested

"All right, hold it steady..."

"Whoa! You're not going to shoot it while I hold it!"

"How else am I gonna shoot it?"

"I'll put it down, then shoot it." Hutch said, obviously uncomfortable with the idea. He threw it on the floor and backed away, Starsky aimed his gun and flinched as he squeezed the trigger

"Agh! It's on my ankle!" Starsky cried, kicking his leg wildly "Do something!"

"What?" Hutch responded helplessly

The squirrel suddenly flew off Starsky's leg and was launched into the air, landing with a resounding splash in the lake.

"Well thanks buddy!" Starsky yelled venomously "You could have helped!"

"Do what? I don't carry squirrel repellent spray..."

Starsky suddenly fell silent; he raised his warning finger "don't you dare..."

Hutch couldn't help it, watching Starsky perform a crazy bionic chicken dance while an angry squirrel tried to gnaw though his jeans was, quite honestly, hilarious. He tried to suppress it as best he could but it was no good. He collapsed into helpless laughter.

Starsky tuned away "Yeah, laugh it up blondie... I told you nature had it in for me... why is it never you attacked by wild creatures?"

As if in response, Hutch yelped suddenly. There was a soft 'swish' as something landed in the bushes.

Starsky turned around to see a slightly embarrassed looking Hutch, "Mouse." He added in a small voice, "Crawling up my leg."

"Wasn't trying to bite you're feet off at the ankle though, was it?"

Hutch shrugged and gave his friend a sheepish smile, "Sorry... but it was pretty funny."

Starsky glared darkly at him, "What now?"

Hutch frowned, "Dunno, this is your expedition, Davy Crockett." Hutch looked around "Uh... Starsk?"

Starsky started throwing stones at the object.

* * *

"Starsky?" The rising hint of panic in his voice made Starsky spin around

There was a group of men, apparently fishermen, standing amongst the trees. Arms hanging limp by their sides and heads lolling. They stood, staring.

"H-hello?" Hutch ventured

The men simply responded with, 'Uuuuuuuuuugh!'

The two detectives looked at each other then back to the fishermen slowly advancing on them.

"Excuse us..." Hutch said, backing away, "We were uh... just leaving"

One of the fishermen lunged at Starsky with a loud moan; out of reflex Starsky took a swing. The fisherman's head landed somewhere near Hutch's feet. Hutch in turn swore most creatively.

The fisherman's head looked up at Hutch and moaned, and Hutch almost passed out. He grabbed his friend's arm as the fisherman's body kept advancing.

"Got a plan?" Hutch asked

"How about... RUUUUUN!"

* * *

Hutch lent against a tree panting "Next time you want to go UFO hunting, don't bother waking me up."

"The girls!" Starsky said, "We need to make sure they're safe."

The blond looked up and studied the trees, "You made a note of which way we went then?"

Starsky turned in a slow circle, "Sure, uh... we came from..."

Hutch stood and rubbed his eyes, "It must be you... you're a jinx"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. My camping trips were fine before I met you."

"You're camping trips where _dull_ before you met me." Starsky replied indignantly

"Hey... I think I can see lights over there... it must be the ranger station."

* * *

They emerged from the woods into a little clearing with a shack in the centre. Starsky hammered on the door. A tall ranger opened the door, newspaper in hand.

"Hey, hey, the doors only so strong." He said with a genial grin "what's up?"

They followed him in and there was another ranger sitting at a table.

"We're camping up on the hillside and we saw something land in the lake..." Starsky began, then he realised how crazy it sounded, "We think someone's hurt down there." He glanced at Hutch

"Landed in the lake?" The ranger said, "We better check it out. You guys stay here." They grabbed the keys to their jeep and headed out. Hutch sat where the second ranger had been.

Starsky poured himself a coffee "I think this whole thing was a bad idea, we should have warned them."

"You have a very negative attitude, you know that?"

"A negative attitude? We're stuck in the woods in the middle of an alien invasion..."

Hutch sighed, "You insisted on coming, buddy."

Starsky shot him a murderous look "you trick..."

"'Sides, there's no such things as aliens." Hutch stated, "I mean, do you really believe some higher being is going to beam down here just to abduct some backwoods hick?" he waved his hand and lent back in the chair and closed his eyes "God, I'd better check the sell by date on those nachos..." he half mumbled

Realisation dawned on Starsky. His friend was still convinced this was some freaky dream. "Hutch! This is a full-scale emergency... I mean we..."

A bang on the door cut him off. The two men looked at each other "The rangers?"

Starsky looked out of the window, all the colour drained from his face. Noticing his expression, Hutch walked over and peered over his shoulder

"You where right... it was the rangers..."

* * *

The two rangers lumbered slowly towards the door, groaning. Hutch moved to open the door and Starsky grabbed his arm

"Hey?! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"It's just the rangers Starsk..." Hutch said

Starsky dragged him towards the window and pointed "Do you remember the ranger having one arm when he left?"

Hutch shrugged off his grip "So what... they're creepy zombie things too now?"

Starsky grabbed a desk and started dragging it towards the door "A little help?"

Hutch looked around the room, there was a locked cupboard on the far wall, he shot off the lock "Ah ha..."

"Huuuuutch..."

Hutch turned, Starsky was by the window again "There's hundreds of them!" he half whispered

He was answered by a familiar _cha-chunk_ sound. Hutch had found a shotgun in the cupboard. He shrugged

"Just in case?"

Starsky grabbed it off him "it's a start."

* * *

There where thuds against one of the windows, Hutch twitched back the curtain; a hideous looking guy was clawing at the window. Hutch replaced the curtain. _SMASH!!_ Glass shattered around his ears as the zombie but it's fist trough the pane. He spun around and gave the zombie four new holes in the head, the creature fell back. They were smashing at the door; Starsky ran over and braced himself against the desk

"What do we do now?" Hutch yelled, dragging the table over and propping it up at the window

"Me?!" Starsky said, slowly being forced forward on the desk, he pushed it back with all his strength

"You're the one who sits around reading comics..."

Starsky looked around "You're the brains of this operation, or so you keep telling me. You come up with something!"

Hutch stopped his struggle with the table for a moment to give his friend a bemused glance 'it's just a crazy dream, Hutch... don't get all worked up.' He turned back to his table and finished securing the window. He stepped back to admire his work. _Smash!!_ Another window on the other side, three arms stretched in, trying to grasp at Starsky, using the shotgun butt he beat them back. Standing he aimed and took a shot. The arms retreated for a moment, then came clawing back.

* * *

Two more windows went, Hutch stood in the middle firing wildly at the horde, his gun clicked empty.

"Starsk... give me you're gun..."

Starsky tossed him his .38 and reloaded the shotgun; "I want to change my previous statement... _This_ is the worst idea you've ever had!"

"My idea?" Hutch cried before he felt something jolt beneath his feet; he looked down, "Oh hell..."

Starsky turned; Hutch gave him a panicked look. The distinct sound of splintering wood punctuated the moment Hutch slipped from view

"HUUUUTCH!" Starsky screamed, throwing himself towards the trapdoor that Hutch had been inadvertently standing on. Starsky scanned the room, grabbed a set of matches and a torch and threw himself into the basement. He scanned the room with the torch, nothing. A broken door hung off its hinges to his left; he gingerly stepped through. The tunnel was carved directly into the hillside, occasionally propped with wooden beams. Dripping water was audible, and a cold draught sprang from somewhere at the other end. It snaked down the hillside towards the lake. Starsky took deep, ragged breaths. He moved slowly down the passage. A blood curdling scream rose in the tunnel, Starsky sped up 'Hutch, please be ok!'

* * *

Occasionally there was a shudder, and dirt would come down from the roof, the tunnel seemed endless. Then... suddenly the tunnel opened out into an enormous cavern, apparently somewhere below the lake. The torch gave out. Starsky fumbled with the matches, but there was no need. An eerie green glow illuminated the cavern; Starsky was surrounded. He took up the shotgun and aimed at the closest zombie

"C'mon try it you undead bastard!"

"Enough!" A booming voice declared; the zombies parted. A tall pallid man stood at the far end of the cavern in front of some elaborate machine filled with green goo. Hutch lay uncomfortably on a slab behind him.

"What did you do to Hutch?" Starsky demanded, taking a few steps closer but still keeping an eye on the zombies.

"He will be the catalyst in a new order on this pathetic planet!" The man exclaimed; he was wearing a gold cloak with a high collar and excessive eyeliner. He turned and spread out his arms, "By using this mortals life force to power my machine!" He clicked his fingers; two men in red rubber suits began hooking Hutch up the machine.

"Hey..." Starsky said, "You keep your hands off him..."

"Mwahahaha! Pathetic mortal... you will DIE! Kill hiiiiiiiiiiiim!"

* * *

The zombies descended; then the man turned to the machine and switched it on. Electricity crackled across the machine. Starsky fought his way through the advancing hordes. He beat back a zombie and climbed the stairs, dirty, bloodied and ragged. He aimed at the man in the gold spandex.

"Hey buddy!" He yelled, the man spun around in his gold platform shoes and took a shot in his chest, stumbling back against the machine he collapsed to the floor; he examined the blood on his hand.

"No! How can this be? I am... Immortal!"

Starsky ran to the consol "How do you shut this off?" He demanded

"You can't! It's too late!" the man answered with a hint of glee

"To hell with that!" Starsky yelled, emptying a couple of rounds into the consol, it fizzled then exploded

"No!" The man screamed "My Machiiiiiiiiiiine!"

The explosions widened and the machine erupted in fire and slime. Starsky was thrown back as the force shredded the nearby zombies. The world faded into white light.

* * *

"Hey, hey cut that out!"

Starsky woke with a shock; he struggled but seemed to be caught in something. Panicked he tried to remember exactly what happened

"Starsk! Stop wriggling will you?" Hutch cried, "What's up with you? You need the john or something?"

Starsky stopped struggling, he managed to twist his sleeping bag tight around him. Memories seeped back to him. Camping... with Hutch. Zombies? Was that a dream?

"Hutch?" Starsky asked, it was still dark but he could see the just outline of his partner

"Yeah?"

"Help me get out 'o this thing will ya'?"

Hutch sighed and sat up "How the hell did you get it twisted up like this?" He said, struggling with the sleeping bag "You trying to drill for oil?"

Starsky let out an unimpressed 'humph', and finally he was able to get free.

Hutch yawned and opened the tent door, letting in the dewy morning air. "Hey...will you look at that sunrise?"

Starsky rubbed his tired eyes and gazed out "yeah..." he said noncommittally

Hutch shook his head "you know you should really learn to appreciate..."

"I'd appreciate it if you'd quit nagging!" Starsky moaned "Um... Hutch?"

"Yeah?"

"You... uh, have any crazy dreams last night?"

Hutch gazed at him suspiciously "Yeah... kind of."

"'Bout zombies?"

Hutch frowned "Yeah... how did you...?"

Starsky pushed past him out of the tent and gazed down to the lake. Nothing. They looked at each other, Hutch shrugged.

"Hey guys!" A young female voice chimed

Hutch turned "Hey Stacy."

Amy emerged after her and stretched "what a wonderful night... so refreshing, don't you think?"

The two detectives looked at each other and frowned.

Stacy draped herself around Starsky "C'mon... let's go down to the lake."

She dragged him off down the hill as the sun rose into the sky.

* * *

A bedraggled and slightly irritated squirrel crawled out onto the bank and scampered into a tree. It watched as a curly headed man and a woman walked below them. It bounded away.

* * *

A girl in red walked sheepishly down the corridor, she lights up as she sees a boy coming the other way. He hands her a bundle of papers

"These are yours." He said, she accepted them sheepishly

"And these are yours." She replied, handing him a bundle "My tutor was a little surprised by my treatment to a cop show..." he said, blushing

The boy nodded "I don't think my teacher appreciated 'Starsky and Hutch Vs the zombies' as an example of a sci-fi film..."

The nodded a thank you and parted ways.

"Starsky and Hutch Vs the Zombies... hmmm..." the girl thought.


End file.
